Thank you, Gary Lloyd Sims

Gary Lloyd Sims was an unforgettable and great man, my beloved next-door neighbor for almost 45 years on Clermont Avenue in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, a man I came to love as the brother I never had. Gary died earlier this month and I will always miss him. While heartbroken on many levels by his passing, I am so grateful to have known Gary's tremendous and positive presence in our world.

Someone else accurately posted in response to the sad news of Gary's unexpected death from heart failure in his early 50s, "If you are from Brooklyn, you know what losing Gary Lloyd Sims means." To say that Gary helped people, particularly young men and women, often through basketball and other sports, is an incredible understatement. There is a reason Gary is called "Coach" by so many. To me, the greatest coaches seem selfless, with their work going far beyond sports, and being about uplifting others in ways that will last the rest of their lives. Gary so positively affected so many people that it still leaves me speechless, and he did so on an incredibly individual level. I am so grateful that I was able and allowed to often witness Gary at such pivotal moments in people's lives. A lot of people talk, but Gary followed through time and again. I see Gary as a man who worked to help others, by utilizing his incredible gift of reaching and connecting with people as they are at any given moment in their lives, by believing in them when it seemed nobody else did, by seeing what others may have overlooked in them, by encouraging them to believe in themselves, and then to see and get on the path to achieve more for themselves. I know I try to achieve such good with people, but I hope my efforts will one day have even a tenth of the success of Gary's. Gary had a big and great heart and he shared it widely and freely.

Gary was a great person, just like his parents were before him and his children are today. My daughter grew up with the Sims family as well, I viewed Gary as my brother and she viewed him as her uncle. She and I have so many fond memories of Gary, his children (who became like her siblings for both of us), his parents and other members of the family. They are and were wonderful people who taught us so much. From 1968 to the present day, particularly in my adulthood, I came to treasure the Sims family like few others and love them as an extension of my own family. Often, in small actions of my everyday life, I think of Gary and his family, of moments we shared. I have to write Gary directly now.

Gary, when you moved a few years ago with your teenage children to Albuquerque, from your childhood and lifelong home on Clermont Avenue right next to my childhood and lifelong home, I cried as we toasted your coming new life. I did not know it would be the last time I would sit with you, but I knew this move was the right decision for all of you and that Brooklyn's loss would be Albuquerque's gain, that I would be okay without you next door, with you making the world better outside of my sight. I know too, Gary, that you are where you are most needed now, hard as that may be for all who miss you, especially your beloved children, but I have faith that all is how it needs to be, that your time would not have come if you were not ready and you knew that those you loved most, your children most of all, would be able to successfully navigate without you. I know your spirit is in another place now, but also that every person you touched in your life carries your spirit and shares your great gifts with others forever.

Gary, I have been thinking of you daily for the longest time. I have so many memories, so many experiences with you and your children and your family. I regret that I am not able to tell you this in person now. I regret not visiting you in Albuquerque, even though I thought of it many times, and I now regret that I can't have you come visit me in Dubuque. Since you left Fort Greene, we spoke on the phone once in a while or sent Facebook messages to one another, always with good wishes and such love for each other and our children and families. You were always better about keeping in touch than me, Gary, and I deeply appreciated it. I have spontaneously spoken about you to people in Dubuque, Iowa over my last year here, people who will never know you personally. Some days it might be a story about things I learned by watching you as you worked with young people, sometimes your own children. But it is mainly that I have adopted one of your phrases as Scott and I work against all odds to start a new life for ourselves and get our challenging property in Dubuque to a usable state.

Which phrase is that, Gary? "Just tryin' to make it, Susan, just tryin' to make it." Oh, Gary, that's only the phrase you said practically every time I saw you and asked how you were doing. You know, when we were both adults, living in our family homes with our parents, navigating parenthood and then single parenthood, and both of us had been knocked around a bit by life and we were still keeping on, relying on one another as neighbors and good friends, understanding and respecting our common and individual experiences. You'd almost always answer my how-are-yous with that brilliant phrase, "Just tryin' to make it, Susan, just tryin' to make it," often with a smile and sometimes with a shake of your head. It will always be one of the greatest phrases I have ever heard. I think or say "Just tryin' to make it" every day, especially in relation to my life in Dubuque as Scott and I face immense challenges in making new lives for ourselves. I have been thinking of you every day of my life, Gary, and I will always. I thank you for being part of my life, I celebrate you and I love you always, Gary.

People of the world , when you continue to hear me say, with a smile and maybe a little shake of my head, that I am "Just tryin' to make it," no matter what is happening at any given moment, know I am thinking of Gary Lloyd Sims with the greatest admiration and love.